We’ve been living in two different countries my whole life.

My father’s whole life.

His father’s whole life.

His father’s father’s whole life.

And I could keep going in building this list, except for the fact that at some point, I won’t be able to trace any further back because that history was never given to me. It was never given to my family. It was never captured because we were never intended to have history in same way as white Americans do.

Two different countries.

And as I wake up this morning, watching the latest in a long history of white terrorists losing their minds anytime their unearned power and privilege is threatened, I have a tightening in my chest.

Not for them though. It’s for the comments and reflections that are saying things like:

“Look at what the last 4 years have brought us.”

“Look at what Trump has caused.”

“We need to impeach Trump and get him out of office.”

“This is shocking that an attempted coup is happening in America.”

Here’s the deal y’all: It’s not the last 4 years that have brought us to this point. It is the entire existence of this country and how it was taken from its founders to begin with that has brought us here.

It is the belief that somehow we resolved things after the Civil War (which was about white supremacists fighting for their power). We didn’t and are here.

It is the belief that things got better after the Civil Rights movement with people running around quoting only the words from Martin Luther King Jr. that apply to their belief that all is ok (Y’all do realize y’all murdered him, yes?) We didn’t and are here.

It is the belief that we somehow were better as a country when Barack was in office and we have somehow rolled it back 400 years in the last 4 (Did we just forget the continued escalation of police brutality, even during his term?) We didn’t and are here.

We are here and it is insulting to see statements that we just got here in the last year, in the last four years. We’ve been here, operating as two different Americas, one that is fighting for equality, liberation, and fairness.

The other is fighting for power and privilege that they stole in the first place, clearly don’t know how to use responsibly, and are losing their minds every single time they see even a glimmer of possibility they may have to given up their stolen power.

We are not the same.

Two different Americas. And the worst part is? Even after this man is removed from office, it won’t stop us living in two different countries. There were zero repercussions yesterday; there have been zero repercussions our whole lives for white supremacists. It will happen again. There will be more. History has shown us this.

And yet, we keep pretending that we are all in the same country. We never been.

This is the part where some of you reading this are expecting me to share this is how we come together, this is how we get to the place where we can exist in one country. There is likely someone out there who is writing a piece right now to tell you how to do just that.

She is not me.

I am going to continue to fight for the country that I believe we should all exist in. One where Black Americans are not treated as less than, are murdered without penalty, are continued to expected to carry this country on the same backs we are continuously whipped with.

I am going to fight for the country where we as Black women are not your saviors in the polling booths on a Tuesday and then treated as your step stools in the office the very next morning.

I am going to fight for a country where I am not tear gassed, arrested, or harmed for asking for my human rights while those who are fighting for privilege are protected, encouraged, told they are loved, and getting the opportunity to tear up whatever they want because they are white.

I am going to fight for a country where we won’t get shot by the very people who are supposed to protect us (even though as I write this I acknowledge that this has never been true for Black Americans).

I am going to fight for the country in which white Americans deal with their own mess they’ve made instead of expecting us to deal with it.

I am not going to reach across the aisle and come together with those who value their power more than they value my life.

My father’s life.

My grandfather’s life.

My great -grandfather’s life.

And I am not going to sit and let anyone demand I fight for that other country Americans are living in. Because that other country is not designed to liberate me.

So, as you go to work this morning, you get online, you jump into text threads or calls, if you’re going to talk about this, start with acknowledging the two different countries we are living in and then tell me, which one are you fighting for?

Because, y’all: The comparisons to what Black Americans are and have been fighting for, let’s come together chats, we are all the same comments, PR statements saying we don’t condone the violence but yet we continue to allow the same white supremacist behaviors to occur?

It’s not acceptable.

It never has been.

And it never will be.

I will never willingly agree to live in that America.

Neither should you.